Sick and tired.

Sape pulak nama Amal?

Girlfriend baru.
Selamat berbahagia ye.

Insane

Dear boyfriend,
I'm sorry I put you in a bad mood. Something that had never happened before. I asked for your forgiveness a few times and yet you just ignored me. It's okay, Baby. I know you can't think straight at the moment.

I was not berfikir yang bukan-bukan. I was just wondering. I don't feel anything. Honey, you made me feel numb towards everything to the point of numbing towards you. I'm sorry. I am learning not to be too clingy and making myself numb towards everything is the only way I can see.

Baby, I love you.

Dear Love

Dear Love,
today is the day where I tell you everything. All of what I ever feel, bad feelings. I am sorry that my words are harsh and I know I hurt you in so many ways.

I know that everything is partly my fault. I refused to understand you and I want you to understand me. I am sorry, love. I'm too hurt.

Love,
To tell you the truth, I can't imagine living without you. I know you have other priorities. I know. Now that you told me, I understand everything. I'm sorry.

Baby,
We might not be together anymore after this. That would be my biggest mistake ever. I love you too much. I hope you love me as much too. How can I live without you?

I want you. I need you. I love you.

Ohh God! Please help us. Tolonglah panjangkan jodoh antara kami.

Love,
Your girlfriend.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I love you!
hihi!

How can this love be a good thing?

Taken from here.

I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I want to be happy. I want you to be happy too.
But,
I don't know even know how to smile now. You're the reason for me to smile yet you're the one who hurt me the most.

Fate

I thought that everything would be alright starting from last night. I was stupid enough to believe you. Now, thinking all you said to me last night, I can hear how hollow, empty your words were. Why did I even bother thinking that you might be different from any other guys I've known?

I'm hurt. You hurt me a lot. You keep on hurting me without realising it. Yes, I know I'm a bit cranky but give me reason why I shouldn't act like that? I came to see you all the way from Shah Alam for God's sake! You did nothing for me. Nothing at all.

Try put yourself in my shoes sometimes. I've tried everything I could to keep this relationship alive. I sacrificed a lot of things. No, I'm not mengungkit or whatsoever but it hurts me when you never care.

This is not the first time. You did the same things before and I let you off just like that. But now, I'm too hurt. Maybe I was right last night. We're just not meant to be together.

You and me, we're too different. You never try to understand my feelings and yet you expect me to understand all your actions even if they're hurting me.

I want someone who are not ashame to show the world that I'm his girlfriend.
I want someone who would listen to me and what my heart says.
I want someone who knows how to appreciate me.
I want someone who loves me.

I love you, too much in fact.
I don't think you ever love me. Not even a quarter of my love.

Please, if we really can't be together, please make me strong enough to live without you. Please let me be strong enough to be happy. Please let me be strong enough to forget you.

Maybe.

Just maybe, we have too much different to be together. Don't you think so?

Please.

You hurt me, a lot. Indirectly. Maybe you don't realised it. Not knowing whether to believe you or to follow what my head says.

My heart says to believe you but my head disagree.

It hurts.

I had enough of crying and thinking. I need you to give me the answer. I don't mind to be hurt now because now I'm strong. Please, bby, don't hurt me later.

I'll always be your baby.

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're ever gonna shake me
Oh darling, cause you'll always be my baby.

Dear You,
I am missing you a lot right now, despite the fact that we'll be seeing each other this weekend. It's been a few months and you told me you have changed a lot. Longer hair, which irks me actually, I don't like guys with long hair. Unless anda adalah kemas ye, baby.

Then again, I don't really care. As long as you're you, I think I can manage with the long hair. hehe!

Bby,
Every time I hear this song, my mind automatically would think of you. I know, sangatlah cliche but it's true. Okay, jadi semakin rindu.

Nite my love, wherever you are. We'll be with each other in a few days.

Tak Sabarnyer!

Awak,
rindulah dengan awak. Tadi kite nak merajuk sebab awak tipuk kite. Kate nak belikan teddy bear tapi takde pun. Sumpahhh kite sedih gile. Nanti lagilah payah nak jumpe. Culik blazer kang baru tahu. hihi!

Awak, kite nak teddy bear. nak teddy bear. nak teddy bear. nak teddy bear. NAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Awak tak kesian ke kat kite? Dahlah nanti jauh, nak jumpe pun dah makin susah.
Bengangnye. Awak sayang kite ke tak ni?!

Hmphhhh!

Tapi saye memang tak sabar nak jumpe awak. Rindduuuuuuuu~

Fisherman's Friend

Awak,
Tadi saye keluar dengan ex-boyfriend saye.
He made me realised why I don't like him and why I sayang you so much. hihi!

Awak,
nanti saye nak beli Fisherman's Friend perisa lemon la. Sebab awak suruh saya makan mase saya batuk-batuk dulu. hihi!

Okay, sekarang cepat puji saye sweet. Cepppaaaaaaattttttttttt!

Urghhh!

I hate you for making me feel like this.
I hate how I love you so much.

I love you so much and it hurts me.

Sebab Awak SANGAT BUSY Dengan Life Awak Sekarang.

1. What is the relationship of you and him/her?
: He's my other half. and my closest guyfriend.


2. Your 5 impressions towards him/her
a. Lovable - hihi! Obviously I would say this kann. After all, he's my kesayangan.

b. Annoying - Kadang-kadang sahaja. Especially when he told me that he doesn't want to layan my rengekan. Benchiiiii!

c. Patient - Sangatlah bersabar melayan kemengada-ngadaan yang melampau.

d. Pemalas - Ini sangatlah ye. Nak melayan yours truly pun kadang-kadang malas, Kalau suruh datang sini pun sangatlah malas, nak hantar message sangatlah malas, nak telefon sangatlah malas. Nak tidur, itu tak payah suruh ye. Memang akan dibuat tanpa ragu-ragu.

e. Thrifty - Sangat bagus. Lelaki yang tak suka membazir adalah mempunyai peluang yang lebih rendah untuk berlaku curang sebab untuk bermain kayu tiga, adalah memperlukan modal. haha!


3. The most memorable things he/she had done for you.
: Coax me when everyone is busy telling how fat I am. And bersungguh-sungguh marah when I am being pessimistic.

4. The most memorable things he/she have said to you?
: Sorry ekk, sayang. - Bila orang dah mintak maaf (sebab apa pun dah tak ingat), makanya hati ini akan sejuk dan rasa disayangi. *tetibe.


5. If he/she become your lover, you will...
: be extremely happy dan sangat euphoria. Just like what I'm feeling now.


6. If he/she become your enemy, you will...
: not know what to do because he's been my kesayangan for the longest time. He's my closest friend even when we're not in a relationship.

7. If he/she become your lover, he has to improve on...
: not being too annoying and harus rajin melayan segala kemengada-ngadaan dan sebagainya.

8. If he/she become your enemy, the reason is...
: infidelity, on his part.


9. The most desirable thing to do on him/her is?
: Semua benda dalam dunia ini pun kalau boleh nak. As long as he's by my side. Dalam erti kata lain, silalah jadi my husband and we can start from there.


10. The overall impression of him/her is...
: perfect, for me, that is.


11. How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
: It depends on the closeness. People whom are not close to me would find me annoyingly snobbish. People who are close to me would find me rather.. Well, you have to ask them about it. How would I know?


12. The character of you for yourself is?
: Indescribable.


13. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
: Sangatlah mudah merasa benci terhadap orang.


14. The most ideal person that you wanna be is?
: Nicole Kidman/ Eva Longoria Parker/ Jessica Alba/ Jennifer Lopez. Dalam erti kata lain, sesiapa yang mempunyai body yang to-die-for.


15. For the people who likes you, say something about them.
: Hehe. Thanks for liking me. It's such a courageous thing to do.

Cinta Terakhir.

"Mungkin kan terputus di tengah jalan
Mungkin kan terlerai tanpa ikatan
Usah ragu dengan takdir…

Mungkin kitakan berbeza haluan
Berakhirnya cerita percintaan
Segalanya ditentukan Tuhan..."

I was insecure once upon a time. You told me that we have to work hard to make the relationship works. I believe you, I do.

My Kesayangan.

me: Bby, Rynn nak perfume Juliette Has A Gun eyh.

him: Amboi, macam-macam nak eyh.

me: Alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Bukan selalu. hihi! Sweet tak Rynn?

him: Haha! Sweet sangat.

***

I am mengada-ngada, extremely annoying and out of the world gedik. And Bby, thanks for always being strong enough to bear with my craps.

You and me, as normal as breathing.

Honey,
today my friend asked me whether is it a necessity for people nowadays to be in a relationship. If it is something that's a must. She asked me because I'm the only one currently in a relationship in our small little group.

I was quite taken aback when she asked me but nonetheless, I answered her. I told her, the feeling I have for you is not the kind where I would feel butterflies in my stomach. I can't even describe the feeling I have.

All I can say is, my feeling for you is somewhat as if it is normal. Normal to have you. As normal as breathing. It's not the lovey dovey yet permanently there. As if, without you, I wouldn't be me.

The Call.

He called me just now. I was half asleep. I woke up with a jolt because I set a special ringtone for him. It's been quite some time since the last time I heard the tone.

I asked him, why did he called. He told me that he missed me and he dreamt of me. *teruja.

I miss you too, love. A lot.

Endless Love.

I am in the mood of menjiwang. Keji, I know. However, I blame you for putting me in this mode. It is you whom I miss so much right now.

I wish that you would always be my endless love.

I love you, love. Wherever you are.

*need to dash because my ex-roommate is coming.

btw, have I told you that I love you?hehe. I love you, love.

You're the air that I breathe.

There's so much to tell yet both of us are too busy with our lives. Especially you. I really feel like calling you the other night but I didn't because I don't want to kacau your sleep.

It's not a question of wanting something, it's more like needing something. I no longer want you but I extremely need you.

In the corner of my mind, I'm attached to you.

FINALLY.

We are no longer in the uncomfortable silent mode. I texted him last night. He didn't reply. I was fed up. I called him this morning. He didn't answer. I was tempted to text him and give him a piece of my shallow selfish piece of mind. Thank god I didn't do it. He texted me later asking me what's wrong.

I told him. I told him how tired I was these few days and everything. Mainly, I complained to him a lot of things. He consoled me. He told me that it's normal for things to be like it is. I knew he knows better. I believed him.

All I need is for him to listen. It's enough.

Cepat-cepatlah mengkalah. Haishhhh!

I found a blog of my coursemate. He poured all his feelings (part of it, anyway) in his blog. He wrote how that girl played with his feelings. I was like, merasa keji terhadap beliau. I know, I do the same thing here. But it's different. haha! Bila time diri sendiri adalah sangat pandai memberi alasan.

Okay, the reason I built this blog is because I don't know with whom should I share the entah-perasaan-apa-yang-kurasakan-ini. I don't want to burden you so much (I know I am always burdening you but hey, at least I am trying lessen your burden a bit).

Plus, I want this blog to be read by you one day. Maybe if our jodoh adalah panjang (InsyaAllah), at least you know how I felt once upon a time. Or maybe if our jodoh tidaklah panjang (Taknakkkkkkk!), you would know that I loved you before.

Tetiba rasa sangatlah rindu dekat mamat perangai serupa beruk itu. Haishhh! Baby, please la don't be too egoist and just bloody send me a text or something! Sebab I don't want to mengkalah and you know how I am kann. Alaaa, sooner or later pun I'm going to apologise. So, it's just a matter of time. You should start, seriously.

I read your text messages yang dahulukala and I feel loved. hihi! When I say dahulukala, I mean masa kita hanyalah berkawan-kawan dan sukkkkaaaaaaaaaa bergaduh-gaduh dan berperangai pelik-pelik dan sukkkaaaaaaaaaaa mengkata orang secara berjemaah dan mengkata diri sendirik dan merajuk-rajuk. hihi! Alaaaaaaaa, you know the drills kan. hihi!

I love you, love. Wherever you are.

I'm Missing You.

Too much, in fact. Are you missing me too, Baby?

I hope you do.

It's been more than two days and both of us are too egoist to apologise first.